Emily, aged 10, came to catch me up with exciting developments
about the actions she had taken to resist her thumb-sucking habit at night. We
had met several times when she was eight. At that time, her habit was ruling her
both by day and by night, and no-one could recall ever having seen her without
her thumb in her mouth. She acknowledged this was very distressing for her, and
she worried that she would have a misshapen jaw and teeth. And there certainly
was visible evidence of that at the time. Soon after our second meeting, she was
able to intervene in the ‘life’ of her thumb, and went on to have a life of her
own by day. Everyone was so pleased about this that thumb-sucking by night was
set to one side. So it was now two and half years later and Emily was clearly
excited about something or other. And it didn’t take me long to find out. Emily
reported that she had now gone five nights in a row not sucking her thumb.
Naturally enough, I was extremely curious about this, and asked
her to let me in on her secrets. She informed me that it all had to do with her
imaginary friends: Jim Harritt, Jim’s mother and father (I will have more to say
about him), and John and Lisa, aged 15 and 16. I was not surprised Emily had
been granted older imaginary friends, as she seemed somewhat beyond her years to
me. It turns out that Jim Harritt’s father is in charge of assigning imaginary
friends to weirdly abled kids. Now what or who are the weirdly abled ? Well,
they are kids who are so abled that less able kids and adults think that their
abilities are weirdnesses. This can mean, as Emily told me, that you can ‘get
teased and pushed around’, and greatly misunderstood by kids and adults less
abled than you are. The weirdly abled have special abilities that mean that
‘they can see things that aren’t there’ or ‘see things in a different way from
others’. ‘At times they can think that the real world doesn’t matter too much.’
I decided to take this opportunity to learn more about imaginary
friends for the weirdly abled and what part they might play in their lives. I
asked Emily lots of questions and she was very generous and kind in telling me
who they are and who needs them. In return for her favour, I said I would tell
any weirdly abled kids I meet in the future about Mr Harritt and how they might
apply to him. He is the New Zealand agent for imaginary friends.
‘How do you apply to Mr Harritt for an imaginary friend?’ I
asked. Emily told me that, in your imagination or in secret writing, you let him
know, firstly, your age according to your birthday, but, more importantly, the
age of the person you feel at home with. You also tell him what kind of person
you are. For example, Emily said in her application that she was ‘a kind person,
a helping and strong person’. You then tell Mr Harritt what your interests are
and what special abilities you have that you have found it best to keep from
most people your own age and certainly from adults. You also tell him your
favourite things, such as music, books, food, clothes, etc., and any spare time
activities you particularly like doing. It is also a very good idea to get a
photograph of yourself so that Mr Harritt can get a good idea of your outside
appearance. Emily thought you may be surprised to learn that Mr Harritt’s head
office is under the sea somewhere between Tasmania and the Cook Strait. I asked
Emily: ‘If there were only so many imaginary friends to go around, and if there
were too many applications to be filled right away, who would go first?’ She
answered me immediately: ‘The most lonely weirdly abled kids’.
I started wondering, to myself first and then out loud so Emily
could hear me: ‘How have your imaginary friends helped you in your life so far?’
I was very surprised how large a part they had played and continued to play in
Emily’s life. First of all, Emily said: ‘They help me when I’m feeling lonely or
when I’m in trouble at home or at school’. I could have guessed that, I suppose,
if I had really tried. But there was more. And most of what Emily then told me I
could never have guessed, no matter how hard I tried. Emily’s imaginary friends
‘help me with homework that I can’t work out. They give you helpful hints but
never do it for you! They also give you personal strength to overcome habits
which you don’t want or like, for example, thumb-sucking or crying all the
time.’ I hadn’t been aware that Emily had been crying all the time as she was
always so bright and happy when we talked together. Maybe that was because she
knew I knew she was weirdly abled. I asked: ‘What would make you cry?’ ‘A little
hit or word would set me off crying, but now I am turning crying into laughter!’
‘Have your imaginary friends helped you with teasing?’ I asked. ‘As for teasing,
you can almost automatically see the funny side and show it. The teasers can no
longer get you worked up!’
‘Quite apart from what has been bothering you, have your
imaginary friends done anything to make your life a better life than it was
before you knew them?’ Sure enough, they had. ‘They have helped me be more
adventurous. I am no longer scared of heights. I used to be scared of thunder
but now I look forward to a storm, hoping there will be some thunder. I am not
scared of spiders anymore.’ I marvelled, and said: ‘Hold on now, spider fears
are hard ones to overcome! How did they encourage your bravery there?’ Emily
told me of an imaginary friend approach that I had never heard of before. I
think it was imaginary friend John who came up with this anti-fear approach.
This is what Emily told me about how it works: ‘John told me that this anti-fear
approach had worked for him within a day. He told me and asked me if I wanted to
try it. Even thought it was weird, I liked the sound of it. What he did was have
a spider in one cupped hand and some lollies in another cupped hand, and refused
to tell me which was which. Then he told me to hold my hand out. Well, I did,
and it only took five times before I wasn’t scared of spiders any more. I did
have to throw a few spiders away, but they really didn’t hurt when I think about
it.’ I asked if there were any more weirdly abled ideas like this. Sure enough,
there were. It seems that once Emily was afraid of crabs in rockpools. John
showed her how to first have a long stick and then keep getting shorter sticks
until she could pick a crab up with her hands without getting nipped by its
claws! This meant that Emily could enjoy herself a lot more walking from Palm
Beach when the tide was out over the rocks to Boatshed Bay (in New Zealand).
I suppose I could have expected this from Emily, but she saved
the best for last. ‘What’s really good about imaginary friends is that they are
good practice until true friends come along, as they will.’ And ‘imaginary
friends treat you the way you would like to be treated’.
Here is my last question of Emily: ‘If you could thank your
imaginary friends for one thing, and one thing alone, what would you thank them
for?’ Emily replied: ‘I’ve come to understand the ways of myself, my real
abilities (even though they are sometimes thought weird by my classmates and
adults), and my shortcomings like spelling and in Physical Education when balls
come at me. But I am even starting to overcome that!’
Well, I guess you can see that Emily recommends imaginary
friends to lonely people who have to wait a while to find true friends and,
unfortunately, can be thought to be weird, despite the fact that really they are
weirdly abled. They are so able that often people their own age, and some
adults, think they are weird.
After talking to Emily, I wondered if imaginary fiends always
know that you are really wonderful and weirdly abled. If you have imaginary
‘friends’ who try to convince you that you are bad, fire them and get in touch
with Mr Harritt for imaginary friends like Emily’s imaginary friends!
References:
Freeman, J., Epston, D., & Lobovits, D.
1997:
Playful Approaches to Serious
Problems: Narrative Therapy with Children and their families. New York: W.W.
Norton
